32: Freedom

There’s no more reason for me to hope anymore. I’ve been fucking stupid for wanting more. This is what I get when I give it all-out and use my heart instead of head. The light at the end of this tunnel has faded away already, I have lost hope, but I haven’t moved on yet. I thought this could mean so much more, I thought you were different. I beg to differ now, all now is lost. Nothing lasts forever, not even diamonds.Deep in my heart, I´m suffering, knowing that I´ve lost you. I want you to be the one I can run to. The one who lets me fall apart in his arms, sees me at my worst, and still tell me he loves me anyway.On the outside, I´m living, pretending that I´ve forgotten you . I’m secretly dying inside, I’m trying my hardest to hide. Bitter memories are meant to be burnt. No point holding on to them. im trying my very nest . i decided to move on . i dont wanna get hurt and return to the past ever again . the past of getting hurt . as time fly and i get older , i have to have my mr.right . my soulmate .someone who makes me a better person , someone who i carry with me forever. It's the one person who knows me, and accepted me the way i am , and believed in me before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens i will always love him and he would also feel the same way too. someone who does not only look into my eyes and say 'i love you ' and think i'll instantly fall in love with him . he has to know me well and show that he loves me just the way i am .he has to be able to handle me when im mad , comfort me when im sad and let me be when im independent . and never bring up the issue of BREAKING UP and ENDING OUR RELATIONSHIP . because that would not make things better and solve anything . he does not have to buy the most expensive things all the time as long as he means everything he says and keeps all his promises he made . its not easy winning someone's heart . i plan to move on , to forgive and forget . forgive myself for being so stupid and forget that the past memories never existed . life had'nt been easy for me . school , family etc. are all stressing me up . i really hate my family situation now . i really hurts me . i cant bear this any longer . no matter what , i'll always be by your back mum . dont ever think of doing anything foolish .i'll always love you more than anything ,care and always want the best for you . you should deserve more than the world would be able to give you . you are my everything . there is nobody to replace you in my life .i will always love you mama ! god , give us the strength to go through our daily challenges in life .